2015年2月6日 星期五

寫得出色‧寫得清晰 1

下面那一句雖然文法無錯,但是為甚麼還是寫得不好?

Unfortunately, there are a number of people who release their anger by using violence in Hong Kong.

大家知道為甚麼嗎?





其實問題出於in Hong Kong - 到底in Hong Kong修飾using violence這個行為,還是a number of people這個群體?

考慮到兩者的分別,我們簡單些重寫上一句,先看看如何:

修飾行為:People use violence in Hong Kong.

修飾群體:People in Hong Kong use violence.

我們很明顯可以看到第一句是指有人在香港使用暴力,但沒有指明那是甚麼人;第二句則指明香港人使用暴力,但當然沒有指明任何事發地點。

最後補充:如果我們將句子改為:

Unfortunately, there are a number of people in Hong Kong who release their anger by using violence.

有人或會指出in Hong Kong夾在people及who之間,也會引起不便。

所以,我建議這樣改寫:

Unfortunately, there are a number of Hong Kong people who release their anger by using violence.

或是;

Unfortunately,  a number of Hong Kong people resort to violence in order to vent their anger.

resort to violence: use violence
vent their anger: release their anger

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